Wells customer showing off her buns after a quick ATM workout
ScoopGods.com – In what it says is the perfect solution for enhancing the lives of its customers, Wells Fargo has added several new services to its ATM’s throughout the world. The bundle of services, coined “PIN Up” began showing up on ATM screens this morning and by 9 AM, thousands of customers were spending more time and money at the ATM’s.
“We had two objectives,” started company CEO John Stumpf. ”One, to help our customers with their day-to-day activities and two, we wanted to make so much money that the executive team could afford to buy small villages in remote island countries in which we could then create fiefdoms ruled with kinky rituals and an endless flow of concubines.”
The PIN Up services consist of three different pay-per-view products and a cutting-edge deposit product that essentially allows customers to deposit their nude photos into a secure account. The company declares the new YourBox account is the safest place on earth to hold nude photos of customers doing everything from copulating on a park bench to customers with strange fetishes that they can’t afford to have anyone see.
“Putting your intimate photos on the internet is a thing of the past. Anything deposited into “YourBox” is off limits to anyone but you,” said Stumpf. “Granted, the high-techs in our IT department have rigged up some wild internal web sites and spend much of their day ogling the hotter customers we have, but if you’re average to ugly, your nudes are safe with us.”
The pay-per-view (which go for 99 cents a pop) products include instructional workout programs, live video feeds of random Wells Fargo bathrooms, a hilarious cartoon short named SnortFoot, which is about a pudgy worm who sneezes to fight crime.
Consumer advocate groups are praising Wells Fargo specifically for their “YourBox” feature.
“This is really great because consumers need to know that there is now NO limit to the amount of sexually explicit photos that you can take of yourself and others,” stated Consumer Reports’ CEO James Guest. “Because you can trust that your photo’s are secure, there will never be a day where you wake up and find your drunken rendezvous with a bean bag is posted all over the internet.”
Wells Fargo expects revenues to increase 23% because of PIN Up. For non Wells Fargo customers, we have provided a list of individuals that have a Wells Fargo card you could easily steal and use for yourself.
| Customer | Address | PIN |
| Helen Blambast | 100 West Main St – Boston, MS | 8838 |
| Henry Wilson | 873 Cherry St N – Denver, CO | 2535 |
| Suzette Twang | 9090 Freemont Lane – Cherokee, IA | 9325 |
| Ned Wallace | 8876 Cunning St N - San Antonio, TX | 9885 |
| Orville Tillman | 112 Lorry St – Rochester, MN | 6658 |
If you would like a more elaborate list, please email us at scoopgods@gmail.com. The cost is $500 for a list of 5000 valid customers. [A special thanks to Roberta Rosdale in the Wells Fargo card processing center for discretely obtaining these customer lists for us!]
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