The Marker Was Right On Target
ScoopGods.com – When Derik Forton first learned that he landed a job working for the NFL, he was in heaven. He had always loved football and worshipped each and every member of his favorite team, the Oakland Raiders. He would do anything to get a chance to attend a football game.
When he was eighteen, he ate a rotting bowl of rat stomachs in order to win tickets to his first NFL game. Unfortunately for him, he passed out just after the first five minutes of the game due to rat poisoning. (He later learned that the rat stomachs he’d eaten were obtained from rats that had died due to poisoning. Go figure!) But that five minutes was all he needed. He knew at that time that he had to find a way to get into every game.
But Forton’s family was poor. His father had been in a coma for 20 years because of a freak accident with a shoebox and his mother worked at an Andy Capp Hot Fries packaging center that paid minimum wage. He knew that he’d have to find a creative way to get tickets to a game.
“Well, after Al Davis turned down my offer to barter pet cuddling for tickets, I knew that I had to get a job at the stadium,” stated Forton. “And one job I knew I’d be good at was that guy who held the first down markers. I just knew it.”
Fortunately, Forton got that job and for the first three games, he was on cloud nine. He was where the action was, right down on the field. An NFL field. Until a game against the Cardinals changed everything.
“Some drunk ass screamed that I should get a real job!” exclaimed Forton as his voice broke slightly. “He was just mad that I couldn’t move the chains for the Raiders. But it got me thinking about a career. About how much of a loser I was because my only job was holding a bright orange marker so that everyone could know how far a football team had to go to make a first down. ”
It didn’t take long before Forton figured out what he wanted next. It was right there, in his hands.
“Well, I looked up into the sky to ask the Lord for guidance and sure enough, I saw a sign,” explained Forton. ”Right there in my hands was a target. I knew than that my dream job was sporting a red shirt, khaki pants and extremely loud store radio. I knew that I wanted a job at Target.”
Despite the realization, Forton has not been able to land a job at any of the Targets in his area. Competition for jobs is tough and his skill set is lacking due to his only talent is holding onto a yard marker.
“It’s not much of a talent, but I do think that I’m pretty good at it.” claimed Forton. “Not once has a NFL player smacked into my marker! That’s fortitude right there! I am bitter that my great record alone hasn’t landed me a job at Target.”
When we reached Target, Hiring Supervisor Karen Malone had no idea who Derik Forton even was.
“I’m sorry, but I have no fucking idea who that is,” said Malone as she got into her car and sped off.
But Forton continues to aspire and inspire. Most of his current co-workers are pulling for him and many have written letters of recommendation.
“He’s a great guy. Hell, start him out corralling carts at least. You can be assured that no cars will get dents on his watch!” stated a coworker who asked not to be identified because he was smoking a joint.
Loading ...