ScoopGods.com – Federal authorities were shocked to learn that Spanish speaking cats now outnumber their English-speaking felines nearly two to one. The results came from a study performed by Cat Fancy magazine and were announced last night at PussyFest 2010.
Salem at last night's PussyFest 2010 shocks the world with pro-Mexican Spanish-speaking tirade.
More shocking was the announcement that Salem Saberhagen, the cat world’s most famous face, has declared himself to be 100% Spanish-speaking even though he spoke perfect English in the Sabrina the Teenage Witch series.
“Cójale usted los americanos. It’s los mexicanos que gobernarán este país e I’ enfermo de m de ocultar quién soy. ¡México y nuestro asno del retroceso de la lengua española!,” declared Salem as he dined with friends at the event.
The news has many urban experts concerned with relations between cats and humans.
“There’s serious trouble if a restaurant owner goes out to throw some garbage away and finds a bunch of cats rummaging for a meal. If we waves them away with English-speaking commands, many of the cats are going to be confused and likely suffer a type of discrimination,” said New York City mayor, Michael Bloomberg. “We can’t have cats lurking around confused.”
Mexican leaders claim that they have known for some time that cats were communicating most of the time in Spanish.
“Oh ya, we knew that they was speaking Spanish, man,” said Cheech Marin, a leading Hispanic and famous pot smoker. “And man, they love it when we blow smoke in their face. They get all goofy and happy and shit.”
Some cat owners are relieved with the news. Many have been confused for years as to why their cats would never listen and seemed to ignore their dialog.
“I always wondered why Mr. McWiskers would just blankly stare at me whenever I talked to him,” stated Betty Lawrence, a Long Island native. “He would always do the opposite of what I said. Now, I know that if I learn Spanish and speak to him that way, things are going to get better between us.”
Many southwestern cities have been focusing on improving services at humane societies and animal hospitals as it has been speculated that the Spanish-speaking majority has been in place since the nineties.
“Oh, our techs have been doting in Spanish and English for some time,” said Phoenix Human Society Executive, Guy Collison. “Our cats are some of the happiest in the nation. It’s purrfect here, if you know what I mean.”
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