ScoopGods.com – Local news anchorman Gary Randolph was ready to take a seat and do what he likes to do best, which is report the news to the masses, when he noticed that his seat was taken. Someone had carelessly placed a loaf of bread in his chair. This angered Randolph to an extreme.
“I have a very tough job,” said Randolph to a gaggle of reporters sitting out on the news headquarters lawn, “And I expect my chair to be free of obstructions.”
Jimmy Kimmel, talk show host of the late night talk show “Jimmy Kimmel Live!,” weighed in on the matter after smoothing out his belly with a nice warm loaf of bread. The bread Kimmel was using appeared to have some different types of fruits and nuts baked right into it. The sight of the bread made many people on the lawn salivate, eagerly hoping that, once Kimmel was done smoothing out his belly, they might have a bite.
Kimmel spoke on the bread matter
“I’m not sure that this Gary Randolph guy is seeing the whole picture,” said Kimmel with a large, relaxed smile on his face due to his bread smoothing manuvers, “A loaf of bread can be many things.”
Halfway across the globe an Asian diplomat gave his opinion on the matter while loading coal into a rickshaw. The coal was very, very black and dark in color. The diplomat was using an unusual shovel that appeared to be made of a rubbery substance giving it a jiggly, wobbly appearance. Children stood around the diplomat and laughed as he performed tricks with his rubbery shovel creating smiles and merriment.
“Bread is life, life is zen, therefore bread is zen,” said the diplomat while swinging the rubbery shovel around in a circle and accidentally slapping a young man in the cheek causing it to redden.
A statement was made by station executive Barbara Logan Price deflecting the blame for any damages away from the station and toward a lonely looking man who was standing on the street corner holding an ice cream cone. The man was obviously distraught about something. Whether it had anything to do with the bread was unclear.
“This man is a menace,” shouted Price, “The station is free of any blame. It’s the fault of this menace.”
Unpersuaded by Price’s position on the matter, the exasperated news anchor has filed a complaint with the station about the quality of the staff he is forced to work with. He contends that negligence on their part has forced his productivity to dip to a low point, warning them that action must be taken or circumstances at the station could dip even lower.
“If this kind of thing continues the results could be catastrophic,” contended an angry Randolph, “I don’t need to tell you how catastrophic this could be.”
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