Would you buy this?
ScoopGods.com – When Adler Fels Winery put out a Cabernet wine with the name Big Ass Cab, they knew the edgy tag was going to rock the industry. In fact, using labels that have shock value has been fairly common as a number of breweries and wineries have gone radical when it comes to naming their newest products.
The move has worked for most and profits are up as twenty-something customers are looking for products that provide a bit of attention when they show up at a party or are chumming with friends at the local watering hole. Things are about to get even crazier.
Drinkers, get ready for a flood of new wine and spirits which promise to rattle the industry and make liquor store shelves look a little naughty.
For starts, a Colorado winery recently announced their newest Merlot, Grandma the Whore. In the Midwest, a small Minnesota spirits company has unveiled Sticky Fucking Cock Vodka and a New Jersey brewery has started pushing Beheaded Eye Socket Banger Ale. All are flying off the shelves. And next year, Budweiser gets into the game with a beverage they’ve named Dog Raping Beef Ass Muncher Lager.
“The names are amazing,” screamed a drunk teen at a bon fire east of Ben Swanson’s farm. “My friends and I are going to buy as much Sticky Fucking Cock Vodka as I can. And then, we are going screw some beehives cause that’s what we want to do. Ahhwoooooo!”
As competition heats up for valued shelf space, big and small producers are all looking for ways to capture that elusive customer. Experts indicate that it may get even more extreme.
“I have heard from more than a few guys high up in the industry that these extreme drinks are going to be packaged differently,” revealed Hank Jones, a manager at a large distributor out of Texas. ”I hear there’s a new whiskey called Skull Crushed Hillbilly and it ships in a bottle that has the dried blood of a dead Kentucky man on it. And then there’s the Mexican tequila they call Beheaded y Castrated Tequila which comes with two human eyeballs at the bottom of the bottle. We’re entering an exciting time in the wine and spirits market.”
Sure enough, many groups are protesting the gory, sex-laced names and are pushing to have all alcoholic beverages banished from earth.
“We need to listen to Jesus and rid our world of the evil potions of the devil,” declared Karen Smith, a former prostitute and drug addict who once married the night shift of a coal mining company. “I know that the lord has made it my mission on life to make sure not one person drinks a glass of Grandma the Whore Merlot no matter how delicious it is.”
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