News

In a Quest to Grow a Shredded Cheese Beard – Man Buys Kraft Stock

October 14, 2011
By Chico Jameson
In a Quest to Grow a Shredded Cheese Beard – Man Buys Kraft Stock

ScoopGods.com – Terry Jomorgan loves it when he is bearded.  He knows, just as the chatty gentlemen sipping cappuccino’s on the corner café do, that facial hair provides a plume of studly-ness. Most men will try at least once in their life to grow this curly, coarse facial staredo. Yes, staredo. My word for facial hair which invites the ogling of young perky nubiles and the gyrating stare of established men buffing their Bentley’s. But most will end up with a face that looks as if they were eating a bowl of honey with no spoon and just as...

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My Brush With Mr. Steve Jobs

October 6, 2011
By Chico Jameson
My Brush With Mr. Steve Jobs

ScoopGods.com – I first met Steve Jobs when he opened his closet door in his Palo Alto home to find me standing there, pant-less, and wearing one of his many turtlenecks.  I was immensely embarrassed but felt like a worshiped female goddess wearing the quintessential boyfriend’s shirt after a night of romantic, tear-flowing sex. And I’m a guy! Steve wasn’t so delighted and was actually pretty frightened. I took a quick fist right to the nose and I saw nothing but blackness. The geek knocked me out. When I came around, I was seated in a surprisingly ergonomic chair with my arms and legs free...

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Breaking: Wall Street Using Shrink Rays to Quell Protests

October 5, 2011
By Chico Jameson
Breaking: Wall Street Using Shrink Rays to Quell Protests

ScoopGods.com – Breaking News – The Occupy Wall Street movement appears to be under a direct attack from unknown Wall Street firms. Initial reports coming out of New York City’s financial district claim that several  huge, complex shrink rays have ascended from atop various Wall Street buildings and are zapping protesters into pint-sized versions of themselves. In War of the Worlds-like fashion, unworldly beams of high-tech mayhem are striking protesters as they run for cover. Reports indicate that nearly 50% of the original protestors are now tiny and aimlessly wandering around trying to avoid street gutters, normal-sized feet and...

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The Gods are at War! Does Anyone Care?

September 29, 2011
By Oggy Herman
The Gods are at War!  Does Anyone Care?

ScoopGods.com – How could he know that war is at hand?  The young boy sits with his bowl of cereal and calmly goes about his breakfast, unaware of the coming events.  His spoon moves about hungrily as he gazes into the sugary mound with innocent eyes.  The cereal is comforting and reliable.  It sets his mood as ease and give him energy, lots of energy, in order to start his day explosively.  Does he know that war is coming?  Does he even care? The petty princess outside his window watches him as he takes bite after bite.  She stands...

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Woman Saves World, One Public Restroom Stall at a Time

September 23, 2011
By Simone Moonpi
Woman Saves World, One Public Restroom Stall at a Time

ScoopGods.com – Liz Waverly may seem like your run-of-the-mill housewife from Tuscaloosa, Alabama, and for the most part, she is. However, recently Liz has been leaving her tracks all over and simultaneously reducing the carbon footprint.  Some people would call what Liz does “littering,” but she can passionately explain why she is not trashing up the bathroom, and why she is, in fact, saving the environment. No matter if Liz finds herself in a small diner or spacious and florescent lit Walmart bathroom, she knows one thing: those toilet seats are dirty.  Liz explained to our reporters what she...

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Young Entrepreneur Opens Soup Kitchen In Disheveled Closet

September 22, 2011
By Simone Moonpi
Young Entrepreneur Opens Soup Kitchen In Disheveled Closet

  ScoopGods.com – Thomas, fourteen, is turning heads lately with his modernization of what he refers to as “archaic” soup kitchen practices.  From the messy closet in his parent’s bedroom, which Thomas reports may be a reflection of his parent’s overall incompetence, he distributes soup to the homeless. Thanks to advances in technology, Thomas is able to herd dozens of “crusty veterans” in from the hard streets of his neighborhood.  His home is five blocks away from a homeless shelter and two blocks away from Staples and a mere six blocks away from the coolest playground in town.  Maybe...

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Noticing an Itch is Always Not Unfavorable

September 19, 2011
By Oggy Herman
Noticing an Itch is Always Not Unfavorable

ScoopGods.com – Allan Gooseburg has a very important mission.  He must transport a glass of delicious cranberry juice across his kitchen.  The glass is of large size and it is filled up to the brim.  The task absolutely must be completed because on the other side of the kitchen is a thirsty fellow sitting in a chair.  He is stricken with thirst and needs the nutritiousness that only some good cranberry juice can bring.  The thirsty fellow is a small, peaked looking man who enjoys cataloging exemplary acts of wimpiness that have occurred over the last four decades in...

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Waffle Iron Theory and the History of the Universe

September 18, 2011
By Oggy Herman
Waffle Iron Theory and the History of the Universe

ScoopGods.com – Deep in the heart of the mall, in a little office behind Bath and Body Works, sat an unremarkable looking man.  He sat on his desk cross-legged and looked at me with deep caring eyes.  I shifted my weight from foot to foot and looked at his shoes.  They were simple shoes made out of grocery bag paper and masking tape. “Have a seat,” he said to me in a gentle tone, “I can see, my son, that you are a victim of the waffle iron.” He rose from his desk and stood there looking down at...

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We Posted Our First YouTube Video

September 10, 2011
By Chico Jameson
We Posted Our First YouTube Video

Many have wondered what we were thinking by deciding to start a news parody site. We just want to ask you, do you think just like Hitler does?  

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Match.com Introduces Mother Profile on All Female Accounts

September 2, 2011
By Chico Jameson
Match.com Introduces Mother Profile on All Female Accounts

ScoopGods.com – Male users now have another tool to make sure the woman they’re interested in is worthy of their time.  The internet’s leading dating site has revealed an add-on profile section which is dedicated entirely to the female user’s mother.  Coined, FutureHips, the profile outlines over 36 characteristics of the account user’s mother including pictures, body measurements, viewpoints on grandchildren and even a MILF-possible rating, which can be flagged by the male user reviewing the profile. “We’re excited about this feature,” proclaimed Greg Blatt, CEO of the hookup-generating site. “I know as a man that if I would...

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