People

In a Quest to Grow a Shredded Cheese Beard – Man Buys Kraft Stock

October 14, 2011
By Chico Jameson
In a Quest to Grow a Shredded Cheese Beard – Man Buys Kraft Stock

ScoopGods.com – Terry Jomorgan loves it when he is bearded.  He knows, just as the chatty gentlemen sipping cappuccino’s on the corner café do, that facial hair provides a plume of studly-ness. Most men will try at least once in their life to grow this curly, coarse facial staredo. Yes, staredo. My word for facial hair which invites the ogling of young perky nubiles and the gyrating stare of established men buffing their Bentley’s. But most will end up with a face that looks as if they were eating a bowl of honey with no spoon and just as...

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A Focused Study of Sombrero Repair Skills

October 12, 2011
By Oggy Herman
Malt Liquor

ScoopGods.com – Maisy Mason was a helping sort of person.  She has lived at 5th and Randolph for much of her life, and it’s been quite a long life.  Maisy’s a handsome old woman for an eighty one year old.  During her many years of life she’s been able to accumulate many talents, more so that the usual person of her advanced age, and now that she’s in her golden years she never passes up an opportunity to put them to good use.  On this afternoon she was out sunbathing in her front yard when a sad looking mariachi...

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My Brush With Mr. Steve Jobs

October 6, 2011
By Chico Jameson
My Brush With Mr. Steve Jobs

ScoopGods.com – I first met Steve Jobs when he opened his closet door in his Palo Alto home to find me standing there, pant-less, and wearing one of his many turtlenecks.  I was immensely embarrassed but felt like a worshiped female goddess wearing the quintessential boyfriend’s shirt after a night of romantic, tear-flowing sex. And I’m a guy! Steve wasn’t so delighted and was actually pretty frightened. I took a quick fist right to the nose and I saw nothing but blackness. The geek knocked me out. When I came around, I was seated in a surprisingly ergonomic chair with my arms and legs free...

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The Gods are at War! Does Anyone Care?

September 29, 2011
By Oggy Herman
The Gods are at War!  Does Anyone Care?

ScoopGods.com – How could he know that war is at hand?  The young boy sits with his bowl of cereal and calmly goes about his breakfast, unaware of the coming events.  His spoon moves about hungrily as he gazes into the sugary mound with innocent eyes.  The cereal is comforting and reliable.  It sets his mood as ease and give him energy, lots of energy, in order to start his day explosively.  Does he know that war is coming?  Does he even care? The petty princess outside his window watches him as he takes bite after bite.  She stands...

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A Vegan’s Guide to Office Politics

September 23, 2011
By Oggy Herman
Wendell's Costume

ScoopGods.com – Wendell Laramie was tired of standing.  He could feel the sweat forming on the inside of his elbows and running down into the attached gloves of his furry suit.  As the time rolled on his legs were becoming weak, rubbery, and sticky.  Finally, his boss hung up the phone. “Wendell, you’re not getting the carrot, now get out of here,” said his boss. Wendell slinked off to his desk to work up another plan.  He had been waiting for his boss to get off the phone for around 40 minutes.  While standing in his boss’s office, the...

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Tales of Love and Adventure

September 20, 2011
By Oggy Herman
Tales of Love and Adventure

ScoopGods.com – “I want to get to know you my love,” said the portly fellow wearing a bob to the extremely attractive woman lounging in the hotel bar. “Well then write about how stupid you look with that shirt on,” she replied with venom in her voice. The portly little man was saddened by this and walked out onto the sidewalk.  He had some ideas about how to win over this woman of beauty, and decided to try them out. The first idea he had was to dress up like a giant bee and try and climb on top of her.  She...

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Bill Cosby Invents Talking Bacon

September 20, 2011
By Chico Jameson
Bill Cosby Invents Talking Bacon

ScoopGods.com – Comedy legend, Bill Cosby, has surfaced after a few months off the comedy radar. Apparently, the worshiped entertainer has been working on a cutting-edge biogenetic project created to entertain breakfast eaters.  In a startling promotional event, Mr. Cosby, used a friendly C4 charge to burst through a Wisconsin Perkins rooftop and descend on unsuspecting patrons as they munched on their morning meals. “I present to my fans and breakfast lovers around the globe, Talking Bacon!” screamed Cosby as he twirled around with two large plates of face pancakes with bacon positioned as lips, each singing a little jingle in...

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Noticing an Itch is Always Not Unfavorable

September 19, 2011
By Oggy Herman
Noticing an Itch is Always Not Unfavorable

ScoopGods.com – Allan Gooseburg has a very important mission.  He must transport a glass of delicious cranberry juice across his kitchen.  The glass is of large size and it is filled up to the brim.  The task absolutely must be completed because on the other side of the kitchen is a thirsty fellow sitting in a chair.  He is stricken with thirst and needs the nutritiousness that only some good cranberry juice can bring.  The thirsty fellow is a small, peaked looking man who enjoys cataloging exemplary acts of wimpiness that have occurred over the last four decades in...

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Man Fights Urges to Say “Whassup!” When Greeting Friends

September 19, 2011
By Chico Jameson
Man Fights Urges to Say “Whassup!” When Greeting Friends

ScoopGods.com – Josh Fortron has a number of great friends stemming from his days going to college at Penn State. It was pretty common for his self-proclained crew of “brew barfing” friends to spend much of their weekends watching sports and enjoying the plentiful stash of booze that was often more common than a stack of books. When the first Budweiser commercial appeared in 1999 introducing the extremely popular “Whassup!” phrase, Fortron and his buddies didn’t take long to integrate it in everything they did.   Everyone phone call and greeting included at least a few minutes of volleyed...

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Young Man Perplexed by Skinny Jeans

September 14, 2011
By Oggy Herman
Young Man Perplexed by Skinny Jeans

ScoopGods.com – In a desolate suburb of Idaho there exists a young man who has no answers to the mysteries of his skinny jeans.  For weeks after buying a pair, Yarlick Winters couldn’t figure out what to do with them.  He would put them on, feel good for awhile then take them off.  Sometimes he would wear them to school, but after returning he would always feel regretful and unhappy.  He tried lending his prized pair of jeans to friends, but always got mixed results.  Finally he wore them with a system of rubber bands underneath to create a...

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